from Joshua Then and Now by Mordecai Richler
Esau was one fine fella, a hunter, and he used to bring his dad venison to eat. But his brother Jacob was a cunning little bastard, a momma’s boy, a jealous type. Anyway, one day Esau comes in from the hunt, fainting with hunger, and asks his brother for something to eat. And Jacob, a real Outremont kid, always looking for the angles, a way to get ahead, he says you want to nosh, sell me your birthright. And poor Esau, on the point of dying, sells him his birthright for some bread and soup. And later Jacob does even worse, the tricky bastard, with the help of his bitch mother. The old man is dying, he still prefers Esau, a hairy man, to Mr. Peaches-and-Cream Jacob. And Jacob comes to see him, the old man is blind, and lies, pretending to be Esau, in order to steal his blessing. But, what the hell, Jacob’s one of our holy fathers and not Esau.
from Joshua Then and Now by Mordecai Richler
His father, pulling another marker free of his Bible, told him about Abraham’s near-sacrifice of his only son, Isaac, to God, which apparently pleased Jehovah enormously. “Quote, for because thou hast not withheld thy son, That in blessing I will bless thee, in multiplying I will multiply thy seed as the stars of heaven, blah blah blah, unquote. Now we’ve got this covenant with God, time-honoured, and going on forever and ever. But if I had to sign on the dotted line today, I don’t know that I would. God’s always needling, testing, his wrath waxing hot. He’s a real blowhard.
Back in Egypt, for instance, when we were in Bondage, he could have got the Hebes paroled with only one plague, but no, after each one he hardened the Pharaoh’s heart so he could display his whole bag of tricks. And afterwards, once we were sprung, he never once talks to Moses that he doesn’t remind him - “I am the Lord thy God, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt”. Now in your life if hard times come and you have to borrow money, never take it from anybody like that, they drive you crazy reminding you every day what they did for you. I don’t care for such types.